Sunday, Oct 28, 2007

Tribulation
How many tears must roll down my face?
How many times will the question be asked with no answer, "why?"
Why am I even more confused at the place where I am supposed to be enlightened?
How many more times will pairs of hands shake in frustration?
How many nights will I go to bed lonely, longing for some connection that can't be there?
I am so tired of this. I don't know if I can make it through.
Unlike the other times, I think I might.
Is this where I shatter the glass that has been knocking me down? Will I break through?
Will I see light through the tunnel I am trying to dig?
I want to be strong, but it's to easy to be weak.
I want to be happy, but it's so hard to remember what I had.
Some say I have to forget, but I won't because I need to know what to be looking for.
I won't forget him, because I won't settle for anything less.
I won't settle.

-some thoughts that I started to write during sacrament meeting, which started out so dark and painful because that's what I was feeling. I just finished it and though it's not clear, I have a new feeling along with confusion and pain, it's empty determination.





In church we sang The Lord is My Shepherd. I have always kept that one in my mind since we sang it at Grandpa's funeral, and as it has stayed with me over the years it has given me strength and inspiration. It is one that is truly beautiful.

Thru the valley and shadow of death though I stray,
Since though art my Guardian, no evil I fear.
Thy rod shall defend me, they staff be my stay.
No harm can befall with my Comforter near.

In the midst of affliction my table is spread.
With blessings unmeasured my cup runneth over.
With perfume and oil thou anointest my head.



"There is no peace in reflecting on the pain of old wounds. There is peace only in repentance and forgiveness. This is the sweet peace of the Christ, who said, ‘blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.’ "

-Pres. Hinckley

Halloween Costume ideas

So there's a dance on Saturday night for institute. I'm thinking of coming home on Thursday to get the things i need. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

Mardi Gra Queen
I can use the mask that Dad brought home from New Orleans.
Any more ideas of what I can do for a costume?
Ok, so that's all i have so far... lemme know what you think!

Randomness: An update on college life

I was sitting in theory today and I looked down at my book and there
was a lady bug crawling around on it. I’m guessing it was from walking underneath all the trees to get to class, but still it was a fun surprise! I showed it to Peter, who sits behind me and he was like, “what? It’s a book” and I was like, “no! look!” Then I put the book on the floor so the lady bug could climb off of it, but it wouldn’t because the book is way too thick, so I opened it so it would only have to climb off one piece of paper, but it didn’t. Don, my teacher, almost stepped on it while walking by so I took it downstairs and let it down on the grass.

I cut Amanda’s hair last night. It was my first experience cutting hair, aside from cutting my own bangs or making sure mom’s hair is straight when she cuts it. It was fun. It was a learning experience. I think it turned out really cute, and I think she did too. When she walked in the bathroom I heard, “Cute!” and I was really relieved. She asked for me to cut it, but then she said “oh yeah, I want layers too”, so the first thing I said when I had the scissors in my hand was “Ok, disclaimer!... This is going to be fun!” it was fun… Amanda even let Rich cut her hair. He said, “can I cut it too?” and automatically I said, “no!” and Amanda said, “sure… if you let Kim show you where to cut.” Both rich and I were like “really?” and she said, “sure, it’s just hair, it grows back.”

That was fun. We got some cool pictures of it. Her hair was quite long, we probably cut off about 4-5 inches.

Last Friday was a Relief Society slumber party, and I found out my favorite kind of soda! It’s Sierra Mist with cranberry splash. It is amazing, AND its diet! So even better. It tastes like a carbonated melted slurpee. It’s pretty darn good.

We also had a clothing exchange at the party and I found a CUTE skirt which I wore to Eliza’s blessing… that I was 2 minutes late for (I should have gone 80 for more than one minute).

Oh! I got my paper back today in theory and I got a 36 out of 40. Not bad for writing it an hour and half before it’s due. 90% for starting my research and analysis the night before…. NICE!

Last night, our friend Rachel was set apart as a missionary. Rich and I had the privilege to be present. Her family was there too. It was a beautiful blessing. She left for the MTC today. She’s going to Manchester New Hampshire mission. I’m so excited for her!

Rob saw the poster today, He loved it! I got a huge high five from him. He also put 20 bucks on the computer. I wasn’t expecting anything, so that was a nice perk. I decided to use half of that money to buy chocolate and black licorice for Nate. The other half is for groceries… more soups! CTC is having a sale on Campbell’s chunky soup. The chicken cheese broccoli potato soup is really good. Mmm mmm good.

I am still in the process of looking for a job, but it looks like i can get a work study position in the library doing organizing, brochures, and posters. hopefully this lady will get back to me soon.

This is a fun blog to write, I hope I’m not boring you. I’m really avoiding my homework right now, so I should get to that. Love ya’ll!

New Hair!

-I wrote this Wednesday night but couldn’t post it until this morning, so when today is mentioned it means wed. and when last night is mentioned it means Tuesday night.-

Ok, random fact: Today was one year ago, from when I thought I was going to lose my finger. Right about now last year, I was fast asleep with the help of Percocet, on my couch so I could keep my hand up (so the blood circulating to it wouldn’t hurt). Lemme explain. Last year I kicked a sound proof practice door shut onto my pinky finger. It was a fun experience, I learned a lot of things like where the Rockwood Clinic is, and Percocet is my favorite pain killer, and Kenny and Brian are more squeamish than me.

Anyways, I thought about posting pictures, but that would be pretty nasty, so I won’t. BUT I will post pictures from when I colored my hair. I wanted to do something random, so we went out and bought some hair dye. Beatrice colored and then highlighted my hair. I really like the way it turned out, but I think I might need to put some more high lights in it because you really can’t tell, but I guess that’s how I want it so it’ll look more natural. Since it’s hard to tell on the pictures, I’ll tell you what color it is. It’s a Brazilian brown with Chesnutt Changes highlights. It turned out more red than brown, but the high lights toned it down a bit more. The original kit was “Almond Roca” but that was too expensive so we made our own color combination. The final product, we decided, was chocolate cherry since it was a brown with a red tint to it. It was fun. It was my first time actually coloring my hair. Last year during thanksgiving break, Carrie highlighted my hair, and that was my first time doing anything besides cutting my hair, and now I colored AND highlighted. I was kind of nervous when Bea said that the color was going to be darker than my actual hair color, but it turned out all right. I’m happy with the results, and I think it looks similar to my natural hair, that it won’t look to bad once it grows out. Well, here it is! The first one was my hair at chrismas time. It looked pretty much the same before I colored it.

And this is the process of Bea actually dying it.

Here it is!

I don't know if you can tell, but there's a real strong red glow to it, especially when I stand in the light. You'll just have to see it in person sometime...